Thin Blue Line Wives

2009-04-03T15:40:00.003-05:00

We're facing an issue that's new for us, a local "officer down" story. It's so tragic. A pursuit ensued after a hit & run. An officer was working to get motorists safely out of the way, knowing the speeding driver was heading their way. Sure enough, the man being pursued did continue in that direction and decided to "go out with a bang and kill an _____ cop." He plowed into the back of the patrol car, reportedly driving about 100 mph, killing a young officer. Sgt. Randy White was only 32 and left a wife and five year old child behind.

The driver, of course, lived, suffering a broken leg.

Usually, I wouldn't purposefully expose my children to this sad event, but this time I had to. It's been hard to allow them to hear about it, to see the pictures of the wreck, but as Shane works through his grief for this local officer (he's shared a pot of coffee with him, but is mostly grieving for his child), the girls have to know about it.

This brings up a good issue for law enforcement families: having kids exposed to the hard stuff.

My girls couldn't understand why anyone would do what that driver did yesterday. I don't either, for that matter.

The death sentence came up, as well as what the Bible says about punishment for purposefully taking a life.

Human execution verses inhumane execution styles were discussed at our table today.

Does the Lord forgive sins like this? If he trusts Jesus for his salvation, will they let him go free? Consequences. All of these were touched on as we worked through the news today.

Finally, before we started our school work, we prayed for Sgt. White's family and for the salvation of the driver.

How do you work through these things with your children? How do you help your husband grieve? Shane had to guard the car yesterday, as it had been towed to the SO. He saw the blood stains in the wreckage. How do you enjoy a weekend with that imprinted on your husband's mind? He holds our own five year old closer today, and I know he's aching for a five year old half an hour away. What do you do with that as a wife?

I'd love your thoughts...

Ripple Effects

2009-02-16T22:20:00.002-06:00

When 9/11 occured, I didn't really think it would affect us directly, but since Shane worked at Boeing Space & Defense, it eventually trickled down to our little family. He was laid off in 2005.

I may be naive, but right now, I don't see a repeat of this while Shane is at the jail. As a matter of fact, crime rates may very well go up leaving officers of all sorts busier than ever. I've tried to play through this in my mind...
Addicts may not have funds to buy their drugs, prompting them to steal for them.
Tough times bring out the worst in people, so domestic offenses may go up.
The run-of-the-mill hot check writers and driving with no insurance offenders will surely rise.
Maybe the illegals won't want to come here, so ICE related offenses may go down-here's hoping!

Yet on the flip side, if people don't (can't?) pay their taxes, which city/county/state funds get cut first? Hopefully law enforcement personnel won't get touched, but who knows?

Shane had considered other job possibilities but with the economy heading south, we're glad he's where he is. We've been doing a lot of thinking about how to brace ourselves for the future, here's where we are:

*Paying off debt-we are giving up the land we wanted to build on, to raise our family on and pass down to our children. It's worth it to not have consumer debt.
*Buying a house within our means.
*Considering some day trading, but we're not risking much money on Wall Street.
*Thinking about ways to lower our expenses-trying to imagine what we can live without if money gets really tight (we're already thrifty). We're thinking paper goods are the first to go.
*Helping our kids get ready as well-they earn some income but they have to realize their income (from babysitting) may go away if their "client's" job goes away.

I hope the economy doesn't factor into your future in a negative way, but if it does, remember God is not unaware, he knew about it before we did. He still clothes the lilies of the field and not one sparrow falls without him knowing. You are more important than sparrows, lean on Him my friends!

Vacation Days

2008-06-09T22:05:00.003-05:00

Shane surprised me by taking off some days this last week. Tonight he has to go back and it all seems to have flown by...

We celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary on Tuesday. I was totally bummed out because (I thought) we both had to work. I woke up feeling worn out, ended up all teary that morning, then went to work with the anticipation of escaping into my work. Shane had planned a little party though, and my friends helped him out by making great desserts for the occasion. He had beautiful flowers delivered and then showed up himself for a little while. He did great! I felt like a queen!

We spent the rest of the week parenting together--that's almost as nice as the anniversay surprise, isn't it? When I found out he wasn't going to work Tuesday afternoon and that Tuesday night was his last night to work at the SO for several days, I almost crumbled to the ground in relief. I had been dreading that week for days, just knowing I had to handle all the evening parenting, ball games, meals and more alone (the week was really full!). It was soooo nice to have him with me all week.

We topped it all off by joining some friends from our Bible Study small group at the lake after church on Sunday. We enjoyed the boating, the great lake house and swimming area so much!

Today was the first day of a great camp the girls attend each year. It's just a morning camp, but it makes a great impression on the girls. It's a camp especially for special needs kids and their families. The camp leader designates helpers for each child so the parents can get some reprieve if they need it. Non-special needs kids are welcome, too. We dropped all our kids off today and went to my OB appt. We find out next week if this is a boy or girl--we hope, anyway!

I hope you get some down time with your officer as the summer gets going. It's hard to let go of it when it's over...I'm already looking forward to Novemeber when Shane will take off work for the birth of this baby!

My husband

2008-05-30T12:20:00.004-05:00

He gives me so much blogging material sometimes...

In the almost 3 years he's worked for the SO, he's only called me from there a very few amount of times. If he has a chance to change shifts/days off, he might call me, and the few times he's had to go to the hospital I'll get a call.

He came in today and told me he was crazy last night and almost called me several times. First-a little background-he has been given the job of Officer in Charge two nights a week. That means he has to act like a Sgt (go in early, stay late, and run the shift-but with no extra pay). They're also short handed and way full with a neighboring county's inmates adding to the bulge. So, he's having lots of those nights when he just goes and goes without having a chance to sit down.

So, with that atmosphere, he goes in last night and gets the run down from the previous shift. Lo and behold, Shane knows the guy in the holding tank. It's only happened a few times that he's known who he's booking in. There's been a distant cousin he grew up around and a guy or two who we've gone to church with. Last night he was just about to blow his top-it's so hard to book in a friend. It embarrasses both of you.

So, this morning we're doing our own shift talk-you know when I give him the latest family news and he fills me in on how work or whatever is going. The girls are especially needy for Daddy on Fridays since they've gone a few days without really seeing him. After we get them settled elsewhere, he's trying to talk to me but keeps falling asleep and mixing his sentences with nonsense as he fights drifting off. He told me two of the other county's inmates left this morning and took all their stuff with them. He stressed that last part, and I said, "Wow, I bet the property room is empty now!" He woke up a bit and just laughed...

I wanted to take a picture of him trying to read this morning. After the above happened, I turned off the light and started to leave. He said, "I need that on, so I can read." We both knew how that would go, but he tried anyway. I took a shower and went back in the bedroom to get dressed. There he was, book on chest, snoring. Poor guy. He's been trying to read that book for a week and is probably only on chapter 2!

I do love having him home during the day, it's nice...although I thought this morning that most people probably get in their recliners at the end of the day and talk. I have to crawl in bed with my husband to visit. Ahh, the joys of the night shift :)

Gun Control

2008-05-02T07:36:00.002-05:00

You know, there are just things a wife of an LEO (or just a concealed carry guy) has to consider in life that others don't...

Is this purse big enough for his gun (not that I want it in my purse mind you, but you know how it is...)?

When he got out of the car, did he take his gun (or am I going to jail if I get pulled over)?

The kids have friends coming over, get the gun out of the living room!

Yes, dear, I'll check to see if Oklahoma is a recipcrocating state before we leave (we all know what that means and how to check it). Just an aside-what happened to the packing.org site-it had the most well organized info on the web and it's gone!

We also know what it means when he says, "How do I look in the back?" and he's not asking if those pants make his butt look fat.

Hey Ladies...

2008-04-23T08:03:00.002-05:00

Have you wondered where I've been? Well, this blog is just a challenge for me, in a way. I don't want to just write random stuff here. If I don't have something good to say, I tend to not say anything at all. I don't want to waste your time, after all. But I do think about this blog a lot. Too bad there's no counter for all the thoughts...

If you don't read my other blog, you might not know I'm pregnant with our fifth child. That is almost hard for me to write. I'm still getting used to the idea...I'm 1/3 of the way through and just finished my first trimester. The nausea is fading, thankfully!

I have wanted to post some thoughts about LE men and how we all know they get harder; more cynical the longer they stay in LE. I thought this was just a given. I've read about it over and over and I have even seen Shane get slightly more caloused.

However, in the last few months, I've seen a change. He's softened a bit. Now, first I need to say he's not mean or rough or anything, never has been.I've never even worried much about the changes. The changes I've seen probably couldn't even be noticed by others, it's very subtle.

A few guys have come to depend on Shane for a shoulder. He's honored and humbled when they approach him and say they need to talk. When he tells me about it later, I can see in his face and tell in his voice he's almost taken aback by the idea that anyone would confide in him and ask for his advice. And it's not just other LEOs, he was even bold enough to answer an inmate's religious questions and pray with him, knowing it could be risky for his job.

I suspect a little of it is age and maturity, but I have a feeling there's more to it than that. The Lord is working in his heart and He's put some good friends around Shane to encourage him. I think this is simply the fruit of all that.

I share this not to brag on my husband (well, maybe a little...) but to encourage you. If you have noticed those little changes as well (for the worse), then don't just assume it's an inevitable part of the job. We as wives have a duty to pray for the protection of our husbands' hearts and minds. We can also pray for the right coworkers and non LE friends to come beside our husbands for friendship. The Lord is teaching me about this as it all relates to the tough field of LE and He's reminding me of the power of my prayers for my husband.

Remember, God is bigger than any LE issue and he can turn any situation around in ways we can't even imagine. So just ask!

I love my bed

2008-03-18T12:04:00.002-05:00

I wish I could take a picture of my bed, but Shane's asleep in it, so I'm sure he's appreciate it if I didn't take a picture.

First, to tie it into LE, it was a gully washer last night. Shane was at work, which is good and bad. If its going to storm, I'd rather he be home, but at least if he's at work, he's up watching the weather anyway and will call me if I need to do anything but sleep through it. Plus, it gives us the entire bed for all the girls to crawl into!

Early this morning, between four and six, I'm guessing, we were all quickly awoken by a loug clap of thunder that I'm sure initiated right outside my window. Sure enough, about five seconds later, here comes Hope. I don't mind, I kind of wanted them to all come in, like on Sound of Music, except I didn't sing, I snored :)

Anyway, I love my bed. After Hurricane Katrina, a friend of ours was trying to get a nursery ready and wanted to donate their king size guest room mattresses to a vicitim's family. I asked her, purely just for conversation's sake, if they'd found someone to take them. She said no and asked if we wanted them. On the inside I was screaming "Yes! Yes!" but on the outside I said, "Oh, well...I don't know, why don't you ask Shane?" Well, we eneded up with them, along with so much bedding I had to give some away.

We were able to bless a struggling little family with our old queen set, so it was great all around.

Then, last year, some friends went to the mission field and gave us their bed, the most beautiful bed ever. It has stained glass in the headboard (and the matching dresser) and sits on top of drawers. Another friend gave me the very quilt I'd been looking at online, so it's perfect! If I squint and try to forget the carpet square patchwork carpet from 1974, then I feel like a queen. I love the high thread count sheets (given to us) in the spring. Nothing is better than slipping into those sheets in that beautiful bed! Then having all my girls snuggle up during a predawn thunderstorm...that's just as good as it gets!

Having a night shift working husband can have it's benefits :)

Need a boost?

2008-03-08T21:43:00.002-06:00

A friend sent me this link yesterday-it's so great! It a site that has a lot of ministries listed with links to listening to each online. Many are familiar to me, but some are not. It would be fun to experiment and find some new uplifting, challenging messages to boost us on. Some I'm excited to see: Alistair Beg, Nancy Leigh Demoss, Focus on the Family (including their kid series, Adventures in Adyssey!), and Beth Moore. Go have a peek!

FYI-I just got Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement Officers and Their Families in this week. I plan to dive into it soon!

Night Out

2008-02-22T20:48:00.003-06:00

Well, well, last night was a huge, fancy smancy evening. About seven years ago, Shane and I started a Pregnancy Resource Center and each year we hold a formal Gala with fancy dinner and a pro-life speaker. We all dress up and have a great time showcasing what God has done through the ministry while gathering/sustaining support. All of us board members, staff and close friends of the ministry host tables--which means we fill up a table with our friends who don't know about the center. Shane filled up two tables with his LE friends. Most of whom I've met, but only briefly. I was so pumped about getting to socialize with all his coworkers! I couldn't wait.

That all changed 2 days before the Gala. Tuesday Shane said he thought he had the flu. Wednesday night I had to drive him to the night clinic because he was so sick. I started to fear he wouldn't get to go to the Gala and I'd be all alone with all these officers, including his Sgt. and Cpt. When I got up Thursday morning, it was reality that Shane wouldn't make it that night. I was sick to my stomach and nervous all day long. I was on the verge of tears at points during the day, dreading the responsibility of keeping the conversation going with people I hardly know without my husband there as a buffer. What if I said something wrong? What about the very likely possibility that I'd say something stupid?

Well, I didn't need to worry. I got to sit by my favorite friend of Shane's, Officer H and another good friend of Shane's were at my table, and his Sgt and another guy I don't know sat near us. They were such an easy crowd to be around, especially Officer H. She's a blast and I had a great time chatting about all things from her future costume party wedding to her & Shane's huge fear of spiders. The funniest thing was when I realized that as we were talking about guns, we were both talking with our hands and making shooting motions with our hands. I quickly put my "gun" away when I thought about how we looked.

I probably still said plenty of stupid things, but thankfully no one let on if I did :) Oh, and the center raised $64K for the year!

Edit-in case you're concerned, Shane's slowly on the mend, but boy this flu is hard! He's pretty much one with the bed!

Good reads

2008-02-20T22:24:00.002-06:00

I've spent some time on www.policewivesonline.ciom where there are excellent articles and a nice forum. While there, I've come across some books that might be helpful for LE families. I'll give you the amazon.com link along with the titles:

First, the "classic" I Love a Cop. I read this when Shane was in college. I don't love it, but it was somewhat helpful. I came away feeling the author wanted all spouses/significant others to totally bend over backwards 24/7 to meet their LE husband's needs and tip toe around their moods. Okay, I'm all for submission, and I'm all for meeting my husband's needs, but there is a balance! Anyway, it's not bad at all, I just got that feeling.

The next is the one I most want to read, but haven't bought yet. It seems to get the best reviews on the PWO forums. The author offers seminars that I also hear are great. It's Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement: A Guide for Officers and Their Families by Kevin Gilmartin.
This one has a section that describes the rollar coaster of a LEO's day-at work he's on edge, ready for anything to happen. He gets regular adrenalin highs. He's a hero. He's part of a team, a brotherhood. Then he goes home and is expected to help do the dishes, take out the trash and so on. Even if his home life isn't consumed with chores, it's still not a rush to be home, therefore many men will go to "choir practice" with they guys after work, work extra shifts, and/or other LE related activities to keep the high going. That pleases his wive very little! I don't know what solutions he gives, but I know a lot of the women who suggest this book say it really helped open their husband's eyes to what he was doing.

If you've read something that helped you, please suggest it, I'd love to check it out!

My Personal Blog

2008-02-06T10:29:00.001-06:00

Visit my personal blog to read stories of small town life with 4 homeschooled girls!

Edit: I am trying to make a link to my personal blog with a pic in the sidebar...I thought I could do it by linking to this post, then moving it to the sidebar, but it won't work with the pic, so I'm leaving this post here until I have more time to see if it's possible...if you know how to do it, help me out! Now, we have to get to some school work, as much as I hate it, there's more to life than blogging ;)

Child's Play

2008-02-06T10:08:00.000-06:00

I'm noticing that having a daddy in LE makes play a little different than having a daddy who, say builds airplanes like my daddy did. I don't recall my Barbies' husbands going to work at Lockheed, lol. I overheard my two "middles" playing Barbies the other day and I had to referee a fight because Hope wouldn't let BB's Barbie out of jail. BB, who's 4, came to me and said, "I want my Babrie unarrested, but Hope won't let her out of jail, so I can't play with her!"

Very funny stuff. Jump in and share your stories!

How to love your husband

2008-02-01T13:15:00.000-06:00

Since V-Day is this month, I thought I'd post a few ideas of how to show your LEO hubby how much you love him. Without further adu, but with tongue firmly implanted in cheek, here we go!

Show sympathy for the poor, drunk 66 yr old lady he booked into jail. Yeah, the one he had had to clean vomit off of all night. While you're at it, sigh with sympathy every time he tells you disciplinary action had to be taken on a poor inmate. He'll love you for your oozing compassion.

Send him Mickey Mouse pancackes in his lunch. This takes great skill, as the ears are delicate and will fall off in transit, making them normal pancakes. His fellow officers then never have a chance to see how much you love him!

Ask him to run errands for you when he gets off work. Nothin' shows lovin' like sending him to a half dozen places that don't even open for an hour after he gets off the night shift.

Care enough to ask "now, which one is that, is he the one with no neck?" every time he mentions one of coworkers.

Give out his work email so everyone can send him those sweet forwards.

It's important not to lose his badge, name tag, handcuff key, or, and this is very important--his chapstick when you take it all off/out of his uniform to wash. Whatever you do, make sure you keep up with the chapstick, even if you have to wash it in the pocket. Trust me, he'll love you for it and he won't even notice the big dark spot of oily residue left on his shirt after 14 attempts to remove it.

While we're on the topic of uniforms, remember to keep the uniform pants that are a little snug right with the comfy ones. He'll appreciate the little reminder that he's gained a few pounds, especially on the nights he's running late and has to just wear them anyway. What a good wife he'll think you are, so concerned for his health!

Since we've only been in LE for a couple of years, I'm SURE I'm missing a few key ways to show your love. Feel free to add your secrets in the comments!

PS-Blogger is showing the love today by the spell check not working, so forgive my typos, I have no idea how to spell "adu"

Rita Revitalized Me!

2008-01-21T22:17:00.001-06:00

Okay, I decided to keep the blog up at Rita's persistance :) Her encouraging post and email came in just as I was flipping pancakes and thinking I'd delete the blog this weekend. She was such and encouragement! You can read her post on the Calling all Lurkers Comments.

So, if I'm keeping the blog up, I have to change the colors. I LOVE blue it's alwasy been my favorite. It was my family of origin's favorite and is now our family color. I know it's LE's chief color. I just sometimes think all the blue is a bit cheesy. I mean LE-Blue (I'm sure that's a Crayola color) gets tiring, doesn't it? Well, even if you have your house done in LE blue and you eat off Sheriff badge shaped dinner plates, everyone needs a break sometimes!

Consider this the break. Indefinitely, lol.

I'd also like to ask LEO wives to contribute to the blog. Rita, for instance, has great stories to share. Her husband, like Shane, has security experience, but he also has Peace Officer experience. I'd like to invite her and others to share their stories of how God ministered to them or how He worked in their lives in relation to LE.

And maybe I'll open up the blogging for more topics than just LE related. I read recently that the LEOs that do the best emotionally have a broader lifestyle than just LE all the time. They have other hobbies and interests. The ones that live, eat, breathe, and sleep LE are the ones that burn out (um, if you have Sheriff star dinner plates, this could be you...just sayin'...).

I don't know how I'll work that out since all my non LEO stuff gets on my other blog, but that's okay, I'll figure it out...or not...but at least I'm thinking about it :)

Finally, I've been posting a little at Officer.com, a great site with news, jobs, links, and forums. If I put the blog addy in my siggy, then I might get a couple more people over here to comment and mix it up a little.

If you have more ideas, leave a comment. I know you come here, I see it on my sitemeter, so you might as well leave a comment, lol.

Calling all lurkers

2008-01-14T19:00:00.000-06:00

I've been considering deleting this blog-I think it's only my friends reading it and maybe a few people who randomly stumble upon it. If that's the case, I might as well just combine the blogs and just post this stuff at my other blog. So, if this is seriously ministering to anyone-speak out now. You can email me at allgirlhomeschool@yahoo.com if you're not the commenting type.

Contamination

2008-01-14T16:17:00.000-06:00

What do you do when your husband's heart gets contaminiated at work? I know our husbands take precautions to avoid disease when they do searches, pat downs, and so on, but what can you do for him when he's looked into the eyes of someone who probably raped and murdered their own daughter? A daughter close to your own daughter's age. You know the officers have to be civil to them, even though I'm guessing on some level they'd like to take him down with their own bare hands. Shane doesn't seem to have trouble relying on his training, treating him with respect, but he comes home with a troubled heart.

We live in a rural area, with a low crime rate. Most of Shane's dealings are with drunks, druggies, and thieves. Rarely does he see an alleged murderer. I can only think of two in the recent months, three if I count the guy driving high as a kite who killed 2 days before Christmas on the most dangerous stretch of highway in our area (he lived and Shane helped book him in a week or so ago). This is the first child rapist I can recall in the 2 years Shane's been at the SO.

My heart goes out to the officers who work higher crime areas, where murder and rape are common. My friend and I went to a Women of Faith conference a year ago and her car was burglarized. The cop who took our report said he'd worked that bad side of town for 20 years or so. I'm sure car break-ins are nothing to him; I'd bet he's seen more than his fair share of serious crimes.

I don't know how to reach out to those officers, or even our local guys and gals who deal with that kind of mental/emotional trama, but when our family hears sirens, we pray. We lift up the officers/emts/firefighters and the ones they're helping. We pray that God would have so much influence on the situation that all involved would see His hand and be drawn to him. I'm going to start praying for the repsonders' hearts, too. This is a great way to remind your kids to pray, too-they often come to me and say, "Mom-sirens, pray!".

Be blessed-and pray :)

2008-01-07T14:52:00.000-06:00

Well, Christmas was okay, I don't think I cried about him being gone Christmas Day, but it wasn't easy. I'm glad that for him, Christmas Eve is the height of the holiday; that's when his family celebrates. He was home Christmas Eve (well, except for that SO party).

This morning was a bit of a challenge, though. Sometimes I feel trapped in this position we're in. The night shift challenges of no social life and no husband home at night is hard. It's also not fun on his days off, since he's really still on the night shift (he can't just switch to our schedule at the drop of a hat). He tries to sleep when we sleep but his body thinks it's time to be awake, and at 7pm when we're ready for some family time, his body says its time for him to be in deep sleep.

We went outside this morning and realized the girls hammocks were stolen from the side yard. They weren't expensive or anything, it's just the fact that someone was outside messing around with our stuff probably on a night Shane was gone. A couple of nights ago I heard male voices and our dogs were barking like mad. We live in town, so I'm not too alarmed. I chalked it up to our noisy neighbors and just got Shane's gun and put next to my side of the bed, then went back to sleep.

So it's not all about fear, although those nights come. It's just about being backwards from everyone else, even on days off. It's staying up late to hang out with him when I have to get up early the next day. About feeling like I'm the family's protector at night.

What does the Lord want me to learn from this? I'm not there yet, but I want to seek those answers. I desire to be less negative about it, but at the same time not gloss it over and pretend its fine. Is God moving us to change jobs or shifts or our lifesyle in anyway? Is God just wanting to teach me contentment in this situation?

Oh how I want to be content! I promise I would be if God would just change Shane to days with Sundays off, give him enough of a raise so he only has to work one job (uhh, that'd be a miracle!). Really, that's all it'd take to make me content. Well, for at least a few weeks, then I'm sure I'd come up with something else...I guess God might want to go about the contentment stuff from another angle!

2 AM Parties

2007-12-24T22:41:00.000-06:00

Okay, I get it, but I don't want to get it. Does that make sense?

Shane's shift's Christmas party is tonight (tomorrow morning) at 2 AM. Yes, he'll be leaving soon for a party that will take place while we're all sleeping.

Part of me wants to be hacked that our family holiday has to be intruded upon by the SO's night shift party. Good grief, it's not like it's Midnight Mass, it's a lot of crude jokes, gag gifts and junk food.

However, if my staff at my office were in that situation (having no choice but to have at least some of us working during a time we'd all like to be home), I'd be there, too. It's kind of like Bathsheba's husband when he wouldn't go home to sleep b/c his troops were not able to go home. I appreciate the camaraderie.

Shane has to work Christmas afternoon and night, so when he leaves the festivities tomorrow, I won't see him until Wednesday morning. I'm trying hard to focus on the gift we were given-that he was home tonight when he's usually on duty, he'll be home and awake (believe me, I'll make sure he's nice and awake, lol!) for our immediate family's Christmas time and for the meal at my aunt's. I'm focusing on the positive-that he has a good job, works with people he likes, got a Christmas bonus, we're all healthy and we are celebrating for the right reason (Jesus!). Above all, I want to honor the Lord and Shane by having a good attitude. I know it'll be a challenge, but I think I'm ready!

Merry Christmas!

Inmate Coffee

2007-12-11T20:07:00.000-06:00

Now here's a holiday recipe that you just won't find anywhere!

Shane has frequently referred to inmate coffee, but somehow I missed the ingredients until we had a little get together at our house. Along with all the normal discussion surrounding tasers and pepper spray, Shane introduced inmate coffee. Since we had the coffee pot full and hot, some of us tried some. It's good stuff, here's the recipe:

In your favorite My Heart Belongs to an Officer mug, put the same amount of hot chocolate mix as you would if you were making hot chocolate.

Instead of using hot water, use hot coffee and fill up your cup.

I'm not patient enough to wait, so I add a few tablespoons of milk to cool things down a little and to add a tad more richness.

If you're making this for a crowd, you might consider renaming it something a little more suave, like "Coffee Flavored Hot Chocolate" or "Chocolate Java"...anything but "Inmate Coffee".

Just a bit of trivia-it's called Inmate Coffee b/c at the SO where Shane works, the inmates don't get hot water for hot chocolate, but they do have hot chocolate packets, so they substitute the coffee for the water. I think that's why anyway...sometimes I don't listen fully to all the stories-but don't tell Shane that!

Frustrated...

2007-12-04T22:11:00.000-06:00

Okay, I'm bummed about Shane's SO's Christmas party. It was announced today that the detention officer's party will be held in the jail, and no spouses or children are allowed. I understand we don't need to be in the jail, Shane doesn't even want us in the jail during Open Houses because the Trustees are allowed out of their cells and it's just not always wise for inmates to see the family. It is a bit discouraging to feel like we give up a lot for the SO, yet are excluded at the holidays. With a degree in Family Studies, it's hard not to get upset when agencies don't have family friendly policies.

Oh well, at least it will bless the socks off the spouses that hate these gatherings anyway!

To socialize or not to socialize...that is the question!

2007-12-03T11:44:00.000-06:00

It's the holiday season-there are already three or so parties on our calendar and another couple are in the planning stages, including one with the guys and gals from the SO.

While Shane really likes the officers he works with, and he seems excited about getting together with them for Christmas, he doesn't usually put socializing with co-workers high on his priority list. He's just a simply guy-when he's at work, he's all about work, when he's home, he's all about our family.

I, on the other hand, am a bit of a social butterfly. While sometimes I get intimidated in social settings, I really like getting to know people Shane hangs out with every night. They're part of his stories, sometimes they save his rear in an inmate run-in, and sometimes they are the subject of our prayers and concerns (like an officer's baby who's dealing with brain tumors). I like to know the people he's with day in and day out, it makes his stories much more fun!

What this means for our family is that I'm wanting more socializing with his friends than he is. It comes to a head at the holiday season. Amazingly, Shane and I butt heads on more than this issue, so I have a little practice in making this kind of disagreement work ;)

First, I can't rely on my socially backward (just kidding, Honey) husband to meet all my socializing needs. He gives me his blessing on hanging out with my girlfriends and he enjoys hosting a little gathering here every now and then.

I need to be available if Shane wants to attend a work party that spouses are invited to. But, I don't need to get my hopes up. Keeping my expectations in check always helps our marriage!

I need to remember that it's more important to pray for his co-workers to get to know God than for me to get to know them. I can still pray for people I've never met-and for some people out in the world, they may have no one else praying for them. That puts my socializing needs in perspective!

The holidays have enough stressful temptations, so I'm working hard at keeping the little things little! I hope you can too!

By the way, I know many of you are in the opposite situation and don't like being dragged to all the events-just remember that you are blessed to be invited into his work life, that you can put faces to names and you have a chance to build relationships, which is what this side of heaven is all about!

Holiday Blues

2007-11-20T09:18:00.000-06:00

There is a group of workers in our society that must be available 24/7, 365 days a year. We want the ER to be open and available to us at all times, for example. While a slim patrol shift can work Thanksgiving Day, the jails and prisons don't do well without a full staff. Most LE agencies have someone working the holidays.

Obviously, this is hard when it's your husband who has to work while you enjoy (endure?) a holiday alone.

I've found this to be especially hard with young children. They can understand Daddy has to be gone and we'll celebrate with him the next day or whatever, that's not been my problem. My problem is physically loading up the car with food/kids/diaper bags, heading out to someone else's home, keeping the peace between my kids and the cousins, fixing all their plates, making sure they all eat some turkey before they eat pie, cleaning them up, changing diapers, and on and on. All while answering the questions a gazillion times, "Where's Shane?" and feeling lonely without him.

Sometimes, even if you really enjoy yourself, you feel guilty about it because he's stuck giving breathalizers to mall Santas or checking out domestic disturbances or putting up with inmates who are missing their families, too.

However, there is good news!

First, I've found family usually understands and is more than willing to help--if we ask. It is H-A-R-D for me to ask for help, but I can't hardly get mad at the world because of my stubborness! Last year, right before Thanksgiving, my grandfather died and Shane was away at mandatory state training. I was very anxious about handling the funeral and all the activities with a newborn and three other children. My family and friends were all very helpful, all I had to do was state my need.

Second, I've found that other officers can be very generous. While it can't be expected, the surprise of an officer with grown kids who offers to work your Christmas morning shift so you can be home with your little ones is precious. And it happens-last year Shane was told to "Go home" Thanksgiving evening by another officer. His first year on the job, he was in the hiring process and upon getting hired, he was told to enjoy Christmas with his family, he could start right after the holiday.

A lot of the hard work of the holidays relates to our attitudes. We, as wives, set much of the mood for our homes. We can make the holiday a trial to endure for our entire family, or we can find ways to be positive about it, always honoring our husbands in the process. As LEO wives, we have an opportunity to make great new memories, show flexibility, and model a sacrificial love.

I know it's hard to keep a smile on your face especially if you're also doing the bulk of the other holiday planning. But when your husband retires, do you just want it to be lipservice when he says, "My wife has always supported me...through it all..." or do you want to truly bless him by walking in the Spirit, relying on God to give you the strength and creativity to have warm, blessed holidays, LEO style?

That's what I'll be praying for myself-and believe me, prayer is the only way I'll get there!

A Great Non-LEO Day

2007-11-12T21:05:00.000-06:00

Today was a great, great day with my husband. I realized when it was over, that there was nothing LE about it. (Unless you count him asking if he could put his gun in my purse and him sitting facing the crowd at Buffet City, oh, and the constant scanning of the room instead of looking me solidly in the eyes, lol.) Not that LE is bad-it's not that at all. It's that I married my husband as a non-LEO and I love him today because of HIM not because of his badge or his high pay (ha!) or his uniform although I really like him in uniform!)

What I mean is, I love Shane because of who he is inside. Because of our 15 years of shared experiences-from teenage silliness, to college papers to the birth of our children. I love him because he cracks me up. He loves me so strongly. He's madly in love with our daughters. His uniform and work duties have nothing to do with it.

Today, he cracked me up. I enjoyed his company soooo much today. The post about it is here

Thankfulness

2007-11-08T20:20:00.000-06:00

In the LEO world, there are a lot of things we could complain about, there's no doubt about it. There are also some things to be thankful for and today I am choosing to focus on them.

I appreciate the brotherhood. Even when personalities clash, the guys (and gals) still have each others' backs. I'm trusting my husband's health and life to people I've never met, so I'm very thankful they can get over any little issues they might have and "be there" when its important. They might share "words" (that's a Southern way of sayin' they argued), but then they share a meal in the same shift. This, I like.

I appreciate the sisterhood. That might be a stretch, in a way, but that's the best way I can describe it. Shane worked with an officer--one of the female variety--and since I'm such a great wife and struggle with absolutely zero jealousy issues, I was fine with Shane bringing up her name from time to time. I promise. Really.

Okay, okay, not so really. However, when I met her, I was smitten with her myself ;)

I've only met this officer once, but when we met, she took the initiative to approach me and introduce herself. In that moment, when she shook my hand, I knew it was cool. She & her guy, Shane and I visited later that day over lunch and she's a great story teller with a magnetic personality. I can really see why Shane enjoys working with her. Her directness with me put me at ease. As a matter of fact, I'd love to get together with her again, so Susan, if you're reading this someday, kick Shane in the pants and make him get us all together again!

They may be a motley crew, but they take "being there" seriously. When the brother of an officer Shane works with at the SO found himself burying his older brother quite suddenly, the SO was there. They found out there was little family and the funeral would be attended by only a few, so many of the officers showed up-most in uniform. Even two or three honor guard members made the trip two days in a row to bless their friend and his family. I was moved when I saw that not only did the SO make up about half of the total number of funeral attendees, but the honor guard was in full dress (turtle neck and all) in the baking hot Texas summer sun. They'd never met the man who died, by the way. Guys, that's "being there".

In my own little world, I appreciate the guys and gals who watch out for Shane and put up with him every day. I've only met a few of you, but that doesn't change my respect for you. Thanks ;)

Ahhh, the Joys of Schedule Changes

2007-11-07T22:30:00.000-06:00

If I've learned anything in the last couple of years that Shane's worked at the SO, I've learned not to get attached to any regular schedules and don't assume anything regarding vacations either :)

Thankfully, the corrections side of the SO doesn't do any strange shift assignments--no rotating shifts or anything. And the current shift changes is at our request, but it still takes time to get used to a new schedule.

Since we're doing a new schedule this week, I thought I'd share some insights to making it as smooth a transition as possible.

First, know that it's not just you, we all struggle trying to regain our balance when our rhythm is off. Shane came in today, saw one of the girls' karate uniforms draped over a chair and asked, "Why did the girls have karate practice last night?" "Ummm, because it was Tuesday and karate is on Tuesday." "Oh," he said. "I didn't even know it was Wednesday today."

I didn't realize I'd taken it for granted that his extra work days were on my weekend, so it wasn't so stressful to have him gone all afternoon. Now it's during my work week and I'm feeling the pinch! He's not available to get the baby down for a nap while I finish up the big girls' schoolwork before heading out the door after lunch. When our 4 year old got sick while I was at work Tuesday, he wasn't home so I had to let her sleep on my office floor. It will take me a few weeks to get used to this new arrangement. That is normal, so don't beat yourself up if you struggle with it.

Lay low-keep activities to a bare minimum while you adjust. No need to start some new house cleaning system until you regain a feel for your "easy days" and your "hard days". (My easy days are when I have no obligations outside of the house and can stay in my PJs all day-my hard days are when I'm working or otherwise have a big project to complete).

Bless him-remember, this adjustment is hardest on him, more than likely. It's his sleep/wake cycle that's changing and he may have to go from working with a good buddy to a brown-nosing ultra annoying pompus jerk (that's totally fictional, I'm SURE we don't know anyone of those types, lol). So, do whatever you do to bless your guy-a nice lunch, extra care in rounding up all his officer paraphanalia, send brownies for the entire shift, whatever. Just don't forget that it's not all about you ;) (There's a slight chance I might struggle here from time to time...)

Remember-the bigger the change, the longer it's going to take to get into a rockin' flow again. When Shane went on the midnight-8am shift, a wise friend said it'd take 6 months for him to fully acclimate. I know she's smart, so I didn't balk at it, but I wanted to. She was right. Don't put pressure on yourself or your husband too soon.

And, for all you laid back types who aren't fazed by this stuff-I'd bet you really are. When you're feeling stressed, anxious, frazzled or maybe even angry-it's probably from the changes in your routine.

Perservere, you'll adjust and even the craziest schedules become normal for you. Just don't get too used to it--the schedules always change again once you get settled in :)

What this blog is all about

2007-11-06T22:33:00.000-06:00

Tell me if you identify with any of the following regarding you/your husband:

He calls in the middle of the night from the ER. You are panicking on the inside but make yourself be calm on the outside. You know if you freak out, he won't tell you the whole story.
Moving far away from family and all things familiar because that's where he was stationed.
Weeks apart because of academy trainings.
He knows the faces of all the area sex offenders.
You understand why he sits facing the door when you go out to eat.
You have to be okay with guns in your house, your car and on your off-duty husband.
Rescheduled Christmases, birthday parties, and anniversaries.
Shift work. Nights. Double Shifts.
FTOs.
Feeling alone.
Being proud.
Feeling guilty for griping about your day when he had a drunk vomit on him last night.
Feeling proud, guilty, and alone all in one moment.
When you hear about criminals or dangerous suspects, you pray...
Underpaid, undervalued, overworked, but right where God wants him.

This is an interesting place for a Christian--law enforcement. LE deals with the dark while we focus on the light. As the human eye has trouble fixing itself when the two opposites collide, I think our hearts and attitudes may have trouble, too. It's challenging to stay focused on being submissive and kind, showing the fruits of the spirit when our husbands are in LE work. Many LEOs work two jobs, the pay is usually low, the environment can be hellish, and on top of it all, sometimes they come home beat up! I know I can struggle with being resentful and emotional. I don't want to be but sometimes I do what I don't want to do and don't do what I want to...I think Paul mentioned this in the Bible :)

Can you identify? Have you been there? Do you ever just want to lean on another woman who gets the "brotherhood" stuff, is very proud of her husband, but also knows what it's like to struggle? Ever need a place in the middle of the night when you're waiting for him to come home from a shift?

Then welcome to your support group! This is a place for prayer requests, shared stories, and encouragement. This is your site as much as it is mine and I want you to feel at liberty to share your point of view. We're still rookies in the LE world, and so far my husband has only worked in Corrections-so there's a broad world I can't comment on-but maybe you can. Let's work together to post good articles that will bless other women walking this thin blue line. Come, relax, share, take part...