I've spent some time on www.policewivesonline.ciom where there are excellent articles and a nice forum. While there, I've come across some books that might be helpful for LE families. I'll give you the amazon.com link along with the titles:
First, the "classic" I Love a Cop. I read this when Shane was in college. I don't love it, but it was somewhat helpful. I came away feeling the author wanted all spouses/significant others to totally bend over backwards 24/7 to meet their LE husband's needs and tip toe around their moods. Okay, I'm all for submission, and I'm all for meeting my husband's needs, but there is a balance! Anyway, it's not bad at all, I just got that feeling.
The next is the one I most want to read, but haven't bought yet. It seems to get the best reviews on the PWO forums. The author offers seminars that I also hear are great. It's Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement: A Guide for Officers and Their Families by Kevin Gilmartin.
This one has a section that describes the rollar coaster of a LEO's day-at work he's on edge, ready for anything to happen. He gets regular adrenalin highs. He's a hero. He's part of a team, a brotherhood. Then he goes home and is expected to help do the dishes, take out the trash and so on. Even if his home life isn't consumed with chores, it's still not a rush to be home, therefore many men will go to "choir practice" with they guys after work, work extra shifts, and/or other LE related activities to keep the high going. That pleases his wive very little! I don't know what solutions he gives, but I know a lot of the women who suggest this book say it really helped open their husband's eyes to what he was doing.
If you've read something that helped you, please suggest it, I'd love to check it out!
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Hey Wendy, Sorry I haven't posted lately. I went back to work full time and I am trying to balance my work/home life again. I'm off to get some zzzs, but I wanted to ask you if the author of I Love a Cop married to a Police Officer?
I'm off to get some zzzs, so I will check back with you this week. I have lots to say on this subject.
God bless.
Hey, Rita!
If I remember correctly, she was a counselor that saw a lot of LEO families, I don't think she was married to an officer.
Hey, there's a lot of discussion (comments) on the thread stickied at the top, fyi.
Hi there...My husband and I have been married for just about 8 months now, and he just started as a patrol officer in November. I haven't really met many wives of officers yet (which I'm sure will happen in time) but I've been looking online to find out about other women's experiences. I want to support my husband but it's hard not knowing exactly what he's going through...and it's been really hard adjusting to his shift (working all night). My husband works for four days, and then is off for three - but we're trying to figure out how we can spend quality time together on his days off (he's struggling to switch his body to a regular schedule). When your husband works nights does he switch around his sleep schedule on his off-days? Any advice you have would be so encouraging because I love my husband but we are both really struggling in our marriage right now to figure some of these things out...and to understand each other. This is hard for both of us in different ways and if you have any tips on how to meet each others needs I would so appreciate it.
Hi Krysta,
I'm glad you posted! You're welcome to come back and check us out/ask questions anytime. Like I've said in other comments, you'll find a lot of support at policewives.com as well.
My husband does change back to "normal" on his days off, but it's a modified normal. He ends up getting up earlier the day of his night off, then sleeps most of the night. He often can't sleep through the night though. He naps on his days off (something I have to just be okay with, he needs the rest) and then naps the evening of his first night back. He often has headaches on his days off and I suspect the changing in sleeping patterns does it.
I am a Christian and firmly believe that if we don't focus on our relationship with the Lord, then we fail when it comes to being the selfless wives we need to be. If both you & your husband focus on serving each other and blessing each other, then you'll have fewer bumps in your relationship. I know in my own life this has taken many years to develop, but its made for a rich, deep relationship with my husband.
Have you read the book I mentioned-the Emotional Survival book? It might help, and I get a lot of encouragement from listening to Nancy Leigh Demoss's programs online. The address is www.reviveourhearts.com
Please let us know how you're doing :)
Hi Krysta,
I haven't been posting like I wanted to when I first found Wendy's blog. It is great that she is doing it and it is much needed. I went back to work full time and it has been a challenge adjusting to working again and making sure everyting is sane at our home. First off, let me say "Welcome to the life of being a cop's wife!" I have always said that it is a special calling from above. It's not an easy one, but it is a very honorable one. My husband has been a cop for 8 years and we have been married 17 yrs. My advise to you is, first off, it is very important for you both to keep the communication open. My husband has never had a problem talking about things that he experiences at work and I am always willing to listen, even if it's something I would prefer not to hear. Many moons again, as my hubbie likes to put it, "He made me go on a ride along with another cop so I could see what it's like to be a cop". Anyway, I really didn't want to go. It's one thing hearing about his work, but actually seeing things that he sees daily was a bit scary to me. Anyway, I did go and it really opened my eyes. I understand why so many cops develop stress and heart disease. They are constantly going down an emotional roller coaster of calmness and adrenaline rushes and they see the worst of the worst. If you can go on a ride along, I would highly suggest it. Secondly, being married to a cop often means that you will be spending a lot of time without him because of his work schedule. Please try not to complain to him about it because it's something he has no control. Do your best to make the most out of the time you do have together, even if it is just spending a quiet time together at home (no tv please-there are much more interesting things to do). Third, I give my husband some time to settle down when he gets home from work. I think that was one of the main reasons why he wanted me to go on a ride along, so I could see why he needs time to unwind. As far as your husband's sleep patterns, I think that will improve once his body adjusts. Luckly, my husband has always been able to fall asleep at the drop of a hat and at anytime. The last advise and the most important advise to you is to reiterate what Wendy said about focusing on your relationship with God. If it wasn't for our faith and trust in God, we wouldn't be together. We had to figure that out the hard way after many years of trying to work things out on our own. But, thank God that He didn't give up on us.
Well, I hope this helps and that I didn't ramble too much. Keep in contact with us and hang in there.
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