Vacation Days

Shane surprised me by taking off some days this last week. Tonight he has to go back and it all seems to have flown by...

We celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary on Tuesday. I was totally bummed out because (I thought) we both had to work. I woke up feeling worn out, ended up all teary that morning, then went to work with the anticipation of escaping into my work. Shane had planned a little party though, and my friends helped him out by making great desserts for the occasion. He had beautiful flowers delivered and then showed up himself for a little while. He did great! I felt like a queen!

We spent the rest of the week parenting together--that's almost as nice as the anniversay surprise, isn't it? When I found out he wasn't going to work Tuesday afternoon and that Tuesday night was his last night to work at the SO for several days, I almost crumbled to the ground in relief. I had been dreading that week for days, just knowing I had to handle all the evening parenting, ball games, meals and more alone (the week was really full!). It was soooo nice to have him with me all week.

We topped it all off by joining some friends from our Bible Study small group at the lake after church on Sunday. We enjoyed the boating, the great lake house and swimming area so much!

Today was the first day of a great camp the girls attend each year. It's just a morning camp, but it makes a great impression on the girls. It's a camp especially for special needs kids and their families. The camp leader designates helpers for each child so the parents can get some reprieve if they need it. Non-special needs kids are welcome, too. We dropped all our kids off today and went to my OB appt. We find out next week if this is a boy or girl--we hope, anyway!

I hope you get some down time with your officer as the summer gets going. It's hard to let go of it when it's over...I'm already looking forward to Novemeber when Shane will take off work for the birth of this baby!

My husband

He gives me so much blogging material sometimes...

In the almost 3 years he's worked for the SO, he's only called me from there a very few amount of times. If he has a chance to change shifts/days off, he might call me, and the few times he's had to go to the hospital I'll get a call.

He came in today and told me he was crazy last night and almost called me several times. First-a little background-he has been given the job of Officer in Charge two nights a week. That means he has to act like a Sgt (go in early, stay late, and run the shift-but with no extra pay). They're also short handed and way full with a neighboring county's inmates adding to the bulge. So, he's having lots of those nights when he just goes and goes without having a chance to sit down.

So, with that atmosphere, he goes in last night and gets the run down from the previous shift. Lo and behold, Shane knows the guy in the holding tank. It's only happened a few times that he's known who he's booking in. There's been a distant cousin he grew up around and a guy or two who we've gone to church with. Last night he was just about to blow his top-it's so hard to book in a friend. It embarrasses both of you.

So, this morning we're doing our own shift talk-you know when I give him the latest family news and he fills me in on how work or whatever is going. The girls are especially needy for Daddy on Fridays since they've gone a few days without really seeing him. After we get them settled elsewhere, he's trying to talk to me but keeps falling asleep and mixing his sentences with nonsense as he fights drifting off. He told me two of the other county's inmates left this morning and took all their stuff with them. He stressed that last part, and I said, "Wow, I bet the property room is empty now!" He woke up a bit and just laughed...

I wanted to take a picture of him trying to read this morning. After the above happened, I turned off the light and started to leave. He said, "I need that on, so I can read." We both knew how that would go, but he tried anyway. I took a shower and went back in the bedroom to get dressed. There he was, book on chest, snoring. Poor guy. He's been trying to read that book for a week and is probably only on chapter 2!

I do love having him home during the day, it's nice...although I thought this morning that most people probably get in their recliners at the end of the day and talk. I have to crawl in bed with my husband to visit. Ahh, the joys of the night shift :)

Gun Control

You know, there are just things a wife of an LEO (or just a concealed carry guy) has to consider in life that others don't...

Is this purse big enough for his gun (not that I want it in my purse mind you, but you know how it is...)?

When he got out of the car, did he take his gun (or am I going to jail if I get pulled over)?

The kids have friends coming over, get the gun out of the living room!

Yes, dear, I'll check to see if Oklahoma is a recipcrocating state before we leave (we all know what that means and how to check it). Just an aside-what happened to the packing.org site-it had the most well organized info on the web and it's gone!

We also know what it means when he says, "How do I look in the back?" and he's not asking if those pants make his butt look fat.

Hey Ladies...

Have you wondered where I've been? Well, this blog is just a challenge for me, in a way. I don't want to just write random stuff here. If I don't have something good to say, I tend to not say anything at all. I don't want to waste your time, after all. But I do think about this blog a lot. Too bad there's no counter for all the thoughts...

If you don't read my other blog, you might not know I'm pregnant with our fifth child. That is almost hard for me to write. I'm still getting used to the idea...I'm 1/3 of the way through and just finished my first trimester. The nausea is fading, thankfully!

I have wanted to post some thoughts about LE men and how we all know they get harder; more cynical the longer they stay in LE. I thought this was just a given. I've read about it over and over and I have even seen Shane get slightly more caloused.

However, in the last few months, I've seen a change. He's softened a bit. Now, first I need to say he's not mean or rough or anything, never has been.I've never even worried much about the changes. The changes I've seen probably couldn't even be noticed by others, it's very subtle.

A few guys have come to depend on Shane for a shoulder. He's honored and humbled when they approach him and say they need to talk. When he tells me about it later, I can see in his face and tell in his voice he's almost taken aback by the idea that anyone would confide in him and ask for his advice. And it's not just other LEOs, he was even bold enough to answer an inmate's religious questions and pray with him, knowing it could be risky for his job.

I suspect a little of it is age and maturity, but I have a feeling there's more to it than that. The Lord is working in his heart and He's put some good friends around Shane to encourage him. I think this is simply the fruit of all that.

I share this not to brag on my husband (well, maybe a little...) but to encourage you. If you have noticed those little changes as well (for the worse), then don't just assume it's an inevitable part of the job. We as wives have a duty to pray for the protection of our husbands' hearts and minds. We can also pray for the right coworkers and non LE friends to come beside our husbands for friendship. The Lord is teaching me about this as it all relates to the tough field of LE and He's reminding me of the power of my prayers for my husband.

Remember, God is bigger than any LE issue and he can turn any situation around in ways we can't even imagine. So just ask!

I love my bed

I wish I could take a picture of my bed, but Shane's asleep in it, so I'm sure he's appreciate it if I didn't take a picture.

First, to tie it into LE, it was a gully washer last night. Shane was at work, which is good and bad. If its going to storm, I'd rather he be home, but at least if he's at work, he's up watching the weather anyway and will call me if I need to do anything but sleep through it. Plus, it gives us the entire bed for all the girls to crawl into!

Early this morning, between four and six, I'm guessing, we were all quickly awoken by a loug clap of thunder that I'm sure initiated right outside my window. Sure enough, about five seconds later, here comes Hope. I don't mind, I kind of wanted them to all come in, like on Sound of Music, except I didn't sing, I snored :)

Anyway, I love my bed. After Hurricane Katrina, a friend of ours was trying to get a nursery ready and wanted to donate their king size guest room mattresses to a vicitim's family. I asked her, purely just for conversation's sake, if they'd found someone to take them. She said no and asked if we wanted them. On the inside I was screaming "Yes! Yes!" but on the outside I said, "Oh, well...I don't know, why don't you ask Shane?" Well, we eneded up with them, along with so much bedding I had to give some away.

We were able to bless a struggling little family with our old queen set, so it was great all around.

Then, last year, some friends went to the mission field and gave us their bed, the most beautiful bed ever. It has stained glass in the headboard (and the matching dresser) and sits on top of drawers. Another friend gave me the very quilt I'd been looking at online, so it's perfect! If I squint and try to forget the carpet square patchwork carpet from 1974, then I feel like a queen. I love the high thread count sheets (given to us) in the spring. Nothing is better than slipping into those sheets in that beautiful bed! Then having all my girls snuggle up during a predawn thunderstorm...that's just as good as it gets!

Having a night shift working husband can have it's benefits :)

Need a boost?

A friend sent me this link yesterday-it's so great! It a site that has a lot of ministries listed with links to listening to each online. Many are familiar to me, but some are not. It would be fun to experiment and find some new uplifting, challenging messages to boost us on. Some I'm excited to see: Alistair Beg, Nancy Leigh Demoss, Focus on the Family (including their kid series, Adventures in Adyssey!), and Beth Moore. Go have a peek!

FYI-I just got Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement Officers and Their Families in this week. I plan to dive into it soon!

Night Out

Well, well, last night was a huge, fancy smancy evening. About seven years ago, Shane and I started a Pregnancy Resource Center and each year we hold a formal Gala with fancy dinner and a pro-life speaker. We all dress up and have a great time showcasing what God has done through the ministry while gathering/sustaining support. All of us board members, staff and close friends of the ministry host tables--which means we fill up a table with our friends who don't know about the center. Shane filled up two tables with his LE friends. Most of whom I've met, but only briefly. I was so pumped about getting to socialize with all his coworkers! I couldn't wait.

That all changed 2 days before the Gala. Tuesday Shane said he thought he had the flu. Wednesday night I had to drive him to the night clinic because he was so sick. I started to fear he wouldn't get to go to the Gala and I'd be all alone with all these officers, including his Sgt. and Cpt. When I got up Thursday morning, it was reality that Shane wouldn't make it that night. I was sick to my stomach and nervous all day long. I was on the verge of tears at points during the day, dreading the responsibility of keeping the conversation going with people I hardly know without my husband there as a buffer. What if I said something wrong? What about the very likely possibility that I'd say something stupid?

Well, I didn't need to worry. I got to sit by my favorite friend of Shane's, Officer H and another good friend of Shane's were at my table, and his Sgt and another guy I don't know sat near us. They were such an easy crowd to be around, especially Officer H. She's a blast and I had a great time chatting about all things from her future costume party wedding to her & Shane's huge fear of spiders. The funniest thing was when I realized that as we were talking about guns, we were both talking with our hands and making shooting motions with our hands. I quickly put my "gun" away when I thought about how we looked.

I probably still said plenty of stupid things, but thankfully no one let on if I did :) Oh, and the center raised $64K for the year!

Edit-in case you're concerned, Shane's slowly on the mend, but boy this flu is hard! He's pretty much one with the bed!

Good reads

I've spent some time on www.policewivesonline.ciom where there are excellent articles and a nice forum. While there, I've come across some books that might be helpful for LE families. I'll give you the amazon.com link along with the titles:

First, the "classic" I Love a Cop. I read this when Shane was in college. I don't love it, but it was somewhat helpful. I came away feeling the author wanted all spouses/significant others to totally bend over backwards 24/7 to meet their LE husband's needs and tip toe around their moods. Okay, I'm all for submission, and I'm all for meeting my husband's needs, but there is a balance! Anyway, it's not bad at all, I just got that feeling.

The next is the one I most want to read, but haven't bought yet. It seems to get the best reviews on the PWO forums. The author offers seminars that I also hear are great. It's Emotional Survival for Law Enforcement: A Guide for Officers and Their Families by Kevin Gilmartin.
This one has a section that describes the rollar coaster of a LEO's day-at work he's on edge, ready for anything to happen. He gets regular adrenalin highs. He's a hero. He's part of a team, a brotherhood. Then he goes home and is expected to help do the dishes, take out the trash and so on. Even if his home life isn't consumed with chores, it's still not a rush to be home, therefore many men will go to "choir practice" with they guys after work, work extra shifts, and/or other LE related activities to keep the high going. That pleases his wive very little! I don't know what solutions he gives, but I know a lot of the women who suggest this book say it really helped open their husband's eyes to what he was doing.

If you've read something that helped you, please suggest it, I'd love to check it out!

My Personal Blog

Visit my personal blog to read stories of small town life with 4 homeschooled girls!

Edit: I am trying to make a link to my personal blog with a pic in the sidebar...I thought I could do it by linking to this post, then moving it to the sidebar, but it won't work with the pic, so I'm leaving this post here until I have more time to see if it's possible...if you know how to do it, help me out! Now, we have to get to some school work, as much as I hate it, there's more to life than blogging ;)

Child's Play

I'm noticing that having a daddy in LE makes play a little different than having a daddy who, say builds airplanes like my daddy did. I don't recall my Barbies' husbands going to work at Lockheed, lol. I overheard my two "middles" playing Barbies the other day and I had to referee a fight because Hope wouldn't let BB's Barbie out of jail. BB, who's 4, came to me and said, "I want my Babrie unarrested, but Hope won't let her out of jail, so I can't play with her!"



Very funny stuff. Jump in and share your stories!

How to love your husband

Since V-Day is this month, I thought I'd post a few ideas of how to show your LEO hubby how much you love him. Without further adu, but with tongue firmly implanted in cheek, here we go!

Show sympathy for the poor, drunk 66 yr old lady he booked into jail. Yeah, the one he had had to clean vomit off of all night. While you're at it, sigh with sympathy every time he tells you disciplinary action had to be taken on a poor inmate. He'll love you for your oozing compassion.

Send him Mickey Mouse pancackes in his lunch. This takes great skill, as the ears are delicate and will fall off in transit, making them normal pancakes. His fellow officers then never have a chance to see how much you love him!

Ask him to run errands for you when he gets off work. Nothin' shows lovin' like sending him to a half dozen places that don't even open for an hour after he gets off the night shift.

Care enough to ask "now, which one is that, is he the one with no neck?" every time he mentions one of coworkers.

Give out his work email so everyone can send him those sweet forwards.

It's important not to lose his badge, name tag, handcuff key, or, and this is very important--his chapstick when you take it all off/out of his uniform to wash. Whatever you do, make sure you keep up with the chapstick, even if you have to wash it in the pocket. Trust me, he'll love you for it and he won't even notice the big dark spot of oily residue left on his shirt after 14 attempts to remove it.

While we're on the topic of uniforms, remember to keep the uniform pants that are a little snug right with the comfy ones. He'll appreciate the little reminder that he's gained a few pounds, especially on the nights he's running late and has to just wear them anyway. What a good wife he'll think you are, so concerned for his health!

Since we've only been in LE for a couple of years, I'm SURE I'm missing a few key ways to show your love. Feel free to add your secrets in the comments!

PS-Blogger is showing the love today by the spell check not working, so forgive my typos, I have no idea how to spell "adu"

Rita Revitalized Me!

Okay, I decided to keep the blog up at Rita's persistance :) Her encouraging post and email came in just as I was flipping pancakes and thinking I'd delete the blog this weekend. She was such and encouragement! You can read her post on the Calling all Lurkers Comments.

So, if I'm keeping the blog up, I have to change the colors. I LOVE blue it's alwasy been my favorite. It was my family of origin's favorite and is now our family color. I know it's LE's chief color. I just sometimes think all the blue is a bit cheesy. I mean LE-Blue (I'm sure that's a Crayola color) gets tiring, doesn't it? Well, even if you have your house done in LE blue and you eat off Sheriff badge shaped dinner plates, everyone needs a break sometimes!

Consider this the break. Indefinitely, lol.

I'd also like to ask LEO wives to contribute to the blog. Rita, for instance, has great stories to share. Her husband, like Shane, has security experience, but he also has Peace Officer experience. I'd like to invite her and others to share their stories of how God ministered to them or how He worked in their lives in relation to LE.

And maybe I'll open up the blogging for more topics than just LE related. I read recently that the LEOs that do the best emotionally have a broader lifestyle than just LE all the time. They have other hobbies and interests. The ones that live, eat, breathe, and sleep LE are the ones that burn out (um, if you have Sheriff star dinner plates, this could be you...just sayin'...).

I don't know how I'll work that out since all my non LEO stuff gets on my other blog, but that's okay, I'll figure it out...or not...but at least I'm thinking about it :)

Finally, I've been posting a little at Officer.com, a great site with news, jobs, links, and forums. If I put the blog addy in my siggy, then I might get a couple more people over here to comment and mix it up a little.

If you have more ideas, leave a comment. I know you come here, I see it on my sitemeter, so you might as well leave a comment, lol.

Calling all lurkers

I've been considering deleting this blog-I think it's only my friends reading it and maybe a few people who randomly stumble upon it. If that's the case, I might as well just combine the blogs and just post this stuff at my other blog. So, if this is seriously ministering to anyone-speak out now. You can email me at allgirlhomeschool@yahoo.com if you're not the commenting type.

Contamination

What do you do when your husband's heart gets contaminiated at work? I know our husbands take precautions to avoid disease when they do searches, pat downs, and so on, but what can you do for him when he's looked into the eyes of someone who probably raped and murdered their own daughter? A daughter close to your own daughter's age. You know the officers have to be civil to them, even though I'm guessing on some level they'd like to take him down with their own bare hands. Shane doesn't seem to have trouble relying on his training, treating him with respect, but he comes home with a troubled heart.

We live in a rural area, with a low crime rate. Most of Shane's dealings are with drunks, druggies, and thieves. Rarely does he see an alleged murderer. I can only think of two in the recent months, three if I count the guy driving high as a kite who killed 2 days before Christmas on the most dangerous stretch of highway in our area (he lived and Shane helped book him in a week or so ago). This is the first child rapist I can recall in the 2 years Shane's been at the SO.

My heart goes out to the officers who work higher crime areas, where murder and rape are common. My friend and I went to a Women of Faith conference a year ago and her car was burglarized. The cop who took our report said he'd worked that bad side of town for 20 years or so. I'm sure car break-ins are nothing to him; I'd bet he's seen more than his fair share of serious crimes.

I don't know how to reach out to those officers, or even our local guys and gals who deal with that kind of mental/emotional trama, but when our family hears sirens, we pray. We lift up the officers/emts/firefighters and the ones they're helping. We pray that God would have so much influence on the situation that all involved would see His hand and be drawn to him. I'm going to start praying for the repsonders' hearts, too. This is a great way to remind your kids to pray, too-they often come to me and say, "Mom-sirens, pray!".

Be blessed-and pray :)

Well, Christmas was okay, I don't think I cried about him being gone Christmas Day, but it wasn't easy. I'm glad that for him, Christmas Eve is the height of the holiday; that's when his family celebrates. He was home Christmas Eve (well, except for that SO party).

This morning was a bit of a challenge, though. Sometimes I feel trapped in this position we're in. The night shift challenges of no social life and no husband home at night is hard. It's also not fun on his days off, since he's really still on the night shift (he can't just switch to our schedule at the drop of a hat). He tries to sleep when we sleep but his body thinks it's time to be awake, and at 7pm when we're ready for some family time, his body says its time for him to be in deep sleep.

We went outside this morning and realized the girls hammocks were stolen from the side yard. They weren't expensive or anything, it's just the fact that someone was outside messing around with our stuff probably on a night Shane was gone. A couple of nights ago I heard male voices and our dogs were barking like mad. We live in town, so I'm not too alarmed. I chalked it up to our noisy neighbors and just got Shane's gun and put next to my side of the bed, then went back to sleep.

So it's not all about fear, although those nights come. It's just about being backwards from everyone else, even on days off. It's staying up late to hang out with him when I have to get up early the next day. About feeling like I'm the family's protector at night.

What does the Lord want me to learn from this? I'm not there yet, but I want to seek those answers. I desire to be less negative about it, but at the same time not gloss it over and pretend its fine. Is God moving us to change jobs or shifts or our lifesyle in anyway? Is God just wanting to teach me contentment in this situation?

Oh how I want to be content! I promise I would be if God would just change Shane to days with Sundays off, give him enough of a raise so he only has to work one job (uhh, that'd be a miracle!). Really, that's all it'd take to make me content. Well, for at least a few weeks, then I'm sure I'd come up with something else...I guess God might want to go about the contentment stuff from another angle!