Holiday Blues

There is a group of workers in our society that must be available 24/7, 365 days a year. We want the ER to be open and available to us at all times, for example. While a slim patrol shift can work Thanksgiving Day, the jails and prisons don't do well without a full staff. Most LE agencies have someone working the holidays.

Obviously, this is hard when it's your husband who has to work while you enjoy (endure?) a holiday alone.

I've found this to be especially hard with young children. They can understand Daddy has to be gone and we'll celebrate with him the next day or whatever, that's not been my problem. My problem is physically loading up the car with food/kids/diaper bags, heading out to someone else's home, keeping the peace between my kids and the cousins, fixing all their plates, making sure they all eat some turkey before they eat pie, cleaning them up, changing diapers, and on and on. All while answering the questions a gazillion times, "Where's Shane?" and feeling lonely without him.

Sometimes, even if you really enjoy yourself, you feel guilty about it because he's stuck giving breathalizers to mall Santas or checking out domestic disturbances or putting up with inmates who are missing their families, too.

However, there is good news!

First, I've found family usually understands and is more than willing to help--if we ask. It is H-A-R-D for me to ask for help, but I can't hardly get mad at the world because of my stubborness! Last year, right before Thanksgiving, my grandfather died and Shane was away at mandatory state training. I was very anxious about handling the funeral and all the activities with a newborn and three other children. My family and friends were all very helpful, all I had to do was state my need.

Second, I've found that other officers can be very generous. While it can't be expected, the surprise of an officer with grown kids who offers to work your Christmas morning shift so you can be home with your little ones is precious. And it happens-last year Shane was told to "Go home" Thanksgiving evening by another officer. His first year on the job, he was in the hiring process and upon getting hired, he was told to enjoy Christmas with his family, he could start right after the holiday.

A lot of the hard work of the holidays relates to our attitudes. We, as wives, set much of the mood for our homes. We can make the holiday a trial to endure for our entire family, or we can find ways to be positive about it, always honoring our husbands in the process. As LEO wives, we have an opportunity to make great new memories, show flexibility, and model a sacrificial love.

I know it's hard to keep a smile on your face especially if you're also doing the bulk of the other holiday planning. But when your husband retires, do you just want it to be lipservice when he says, "My wife has always supported me...through it all..." or do you want to truly bless him by walking in the Spirit, relying on God to give you the strength and creativity to have warm, blessed holidays, LEO style?

That's what I'll be praying for myself-and believe me, prayer is the only way I'll get there!

A Great Non-LEO Day

Today was a great, great day with my husband. I realized when it was over, that there was nothing LE about it. (Unless you count him asking if he could put his gun in my purse and him sitting facing the crowd at Buffet City, oh, and the constant scanning of the room instead of looking me solidly in the eyes, lol.) Not that LE is bad-it's not that at all. It's that I married my husband as a non-LEO and I love him today because of HIM not because of his badge or his high pay (ha!) or his uniform although I really like him in uniform!)

What I mean is, I love Shane because of who he is inside. Because of our 15 years of shared experiences-from teenage silliness, to college papers to the birth of our children. I love him because he cracks me up. He loves me so strongly. He's madly in love with our daughters. His uniform and work duties have nothing to do with it.

Today, he cracked me up. I enjoyed his company soooo much today. The post about it is here

Thankfulness

In the LEO world, there are a lot of things we could complain about, there's no doubt about it. There are also some things to be thankful for and today I am choosing to focus on them.

I appreciate the brotherhood. Even when personalities clash, the guys (and gals) still have each others' backs. I'm trusting my husband's health and life to people I've never met, so I'm very thankful they can get over any little issues they might have and "be there" when its important. They might share "words" (that's a Southern way of sayin' they argued), but then they share a meal in the same shift. This, I like.

I appreciate the sisterhood. That might be a stretch, in a way, but that's the best way I can describe it. Shane worked with an officer--one of the female variety--and since I'm such a great wife and struggle with absolutely zero jealousy issues, I was fine with Shane bringing up her name from time to time. I promise. Really.

Okay, okay, not so really. However, when I met her, I was smitten with her myself ;)

I've only met this officer once, but when we met, she took the initiative to approach me and introduce herself. In that moment, when she shook my hand, I knew it was cool. She & her guy, Shane and I visited later that day over lunch and she's a great story teller with a magnetic personality. I can really see why Shane enjoys working with her. Her directness with me put me at ease. As a matter of fact, I'd love to get together with her again, so Susan, if you're reading this someday, kick Shane in the pants and make him get us all together again!

They may be a motley crew, but they take "being there" seriously. When the brother of an officer Shane works with at the SO found himself burying his older brother quite suddenly, the SO was there. They found out there was little family and the funeral would be attended by only a few, so many of the officers showed up-most in uniform. Even two or three honor guard members made the trip two days in a row to bless their friend and his family. I was moved when I saw that not only did the SO make up about half of the total number of funeral attendees, but the honor guard was in full dress (turtle neck and all) in the baking hot Texas summer sun. They'd never met the man who died, by the way. Guys, that's "being there".

In my own little world, I appreciate the guys and gals who watch out for Shane and put up with him every day. I've only met a few of you, but that doesn't change my respect for you. Thanks ;)

Ahhh, the Joys of Schedule Changes

If I've learned anything in the last couple of years that Shane's worked at the SO, I've learned not to get attached to any regular schedules and don't assume anything regarding vacations either :)

Thankfully, the corrections side of the SO doesn't do any strange shift assignments--no rotating shifts or anything. And the current shift changes is at our request, but it still takes time to get used to a new schedule.

Since we're doing a new schedule this week, I thought I'd share some insights to making it as smooth a transition as possible.

First, know that it's not just you, we all struggle trying to regain our balance when our rhythm is off. Shane came in today, saw one of the girls' karate uniforms draped over a chair and asked, "Why did the girls have karate practice last night?" "Ummm, because it was Tuesday and karate is on Tuesday." "Oh," he said. "I didn't even know it was Wednesday today."

I didn't realize I'd taken it for granted that his extra work days were on my weekend, so it wasn't so stressful to have him gone all afternoon. Now it's during my work week and I'm feeling the pinch! He's not available to get the baby down for a nap while I finish up the big girls' schoolwork before heading out the door after lunch. When our 4 year old got sick while I was at work Tuesday, he wasn't home so I had to let her sleep on my office floor. It will take me a few weeks to get used to this new arrangement. That is normal, so don't beat yourself up if you struggle with it.

Lay low-keep activities to a bare minimum while you adjust. No need to start some new house cleaning system until you regain a feel for your "easy days" and your "hard days". (My easy days are when I have no obligations outside of the house and can stay in my PJs all day-my hard days are when I'm working or otherwise have a big project to complete).

Bless him-remember, this adjustment is hardest on him, more than likely. It's his sleep/wake cycle that's changing and he may have to go from working with a good buddy to a brown-nosing ultra annoying pompus jerk (that's totally fictional, I'm SURE we don't know anyone of those types, lol). So, do whatever you do to bless your guy-a nice lunch, extra care in rounding up all his officer paraphanalia, send brownies for the entire shift, whatever. Just don't forget that it's not all about you ;) (There's a slight chance I might struggle here from time to time...)

Remember-the bigger the change, the longer it's going to take to get into a rockin' flow again. When Shane went on the midnight-8am shift, a wise friend said it'd take 6 months for him to fully acclimate. I know she's smart, so I didn't balk at it, but I wanted to. She was right. Don't put pressure on yourself or your husband too soon.

And, for all you laid back types who aren't fazed by this stuff-I'd bet you really are. When you're feeling stressed, anxious, frazzled or maybe even angry-it's probably from the changes in your routine.

Perservere, you'll adjust and even the craziest schedules become normal for you. Just don't get too used to it--the schedules always change again once you get settled in :)

What this blog is all about

Tell me if you identify with any of the following regarding you/your husband:

• He calls in the middle of the night from the ER. You are panicking on the inside but make yourself be calm on the outside. You know if you freak out, he won't tell you the whole story.
• Moving far away from family and all things familiar because that's where he was stationed.
• Weeks apart because of academy trainings.
• He knows the faces of all the area sex offenders.
• You understand why he sits facing the door when you go out to eat.
• You have to be okay with guns in your house, your car and on your off-duty husband.
• Rescheduled Christmases, birthday parties, and anniversaries.
• Shift work. Nights. Double Shifts.
• FTOs.
• Feeling alone.
• Being proud.
• Feeling guilty for griping about your day when he had a drunk vomit on him last night.
• Feeling proud, guilty, and alone all in one moment.
• When you hear about criminals or dangerous suspects, you pray...
• Underpaid, undervalued, overworked, but right where God wants him.

This is an interesting place for a Christian--law enforcement. LE deals with the dark while we focus on the light. As the human eye has trouble fixing itself when the two opposites collide, I think our hearts and attitudes may have trouble, too. It's challenging to stay focused on being submissive and kind, showing the fruits of the spirit when our husbands are in LE work. Many LEOs work two jobs, the pay is usually low, the environment can be hellish, and on top of it all, sometimes they come home beat up! I know I can struggle with being resentful and emotional. I don't want to be but sometimes I do what I don't want to do and don't do what I want to...I think Paul mentioned this in the Bible :)

Can you identify? Have you been there? Do you ever just want to lean on another woman who gets the "brotherhood" stuff, is very proud of her husband, but also knows what it's like to struggle? Ever need a place in the middle of the night when you're waiting for him to come home from a shift?

Then welcome to your support group! This is a place for prayer requests, shared stories, and encouragement. This is your site as much as it is mine and I want you to feel at liberty to share your point of view. We're still rookies in the LE world, and so far my husband has only worked in Corrections-so there's a broad world I can't comment on-but maybe you can. Let's work together to post good articles that will bless other women walking this thin blue line. Come, relax, share, take part...